Wednesday, 20 April 2011

ALL MOD CONS - No. 1



Let Me Give You Money For Being Nutty


It's hard being homeless.  But at least I'm not green.  (According to Kermit - another frog I haven't kissed - it's not easy being green, either. And just imagine - homeless AND green!  See how much I have to be thankful for?)  


Especially hard to find somewhere to live from 1000 miles away.


Still, thank goodness for the internet, eh?  Look what's out there:-




Beautiful double room with ALL MOD CONS available ASAP.

Would suit someone who is EXTREMELY neat and tidy (who doesn´t like clutter or dust), who has one suitcase, who is patient, good with computers, understands if people are sensitive to chemicals and food allergies and doesn´t mind checking the post.

Flat comes with ALL mod cons, excellent washing machine, nice lounge, excellent storage, gas central heating, double glazing, big refrigerator, cleaner, wifi (internet), free telephone calls to most of Europe and USA, big TV, TV license.

Ideally short term is best, but might become long-term. (Someone who is easy going and flexible with this - and doesn´t mind making sure the flat is kept to a high standard of cleanliness as most people LOVE the flat when they come in because it is kept well-maintained). Thanks!


Now that sounds like just the kind of welcome to a new life I'd been hoping for. I think it would do me good to have to get out of bed at 5.30am every morning and stand up straight with my back to the wardrobe, proffering my fingernails for a cleanliness inspection. And since I don't know many people in London, what better to do in the evenings than polish my boots and iron the edges of the sheets as they form the perfect 90 degree angle over the mattress?

One suitcase?  Must write and ask how many pairs of socks are allowed, and whether they can have stripes...

Think it might be an idea to post an ad looking for accommodation instead.



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ROOM WANTED

Stuffed dog, no suitcase, 4 paws (clean-ish), would like kennel for himself and his menopausal Jewish fairy (unstuffed for some considerable time).

Very good with computers (loves dribbling over keyboard).



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Now let the dog see the rabbit...(which shelf in the big refrigerator did you say the rabbit was???)



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Please be nice, but not funnier than me. Thanks.